Day 11 – On death

(This post is part of the 30 for 30 challenge).

Writing early in the morning brings out random ideas in me for some reason.  One of them is death. Death: the BIG sleep, as it is sometimes known (although I think that is not quite a helpful way of putting it for purposes of psychological ease in dealing with the matter.)  Who wants to sleep forever AND be aware of it?!

Okay I admit. It’s a seemingly macabre topic, but one that I’ve often been fascinated by for quite some time.

When my grandmother died two years ago, I became even more fascinated.  I saw a woman of 79 years go from a perfectly healthy, active member of her community, to a gibbering basket case, unable to make sense of words or her surroundings, ultimately losing it all due to the random ravages of a malignant brain tumor.  It was quite sad to see this progression slowly taking place.  What was even more upsetting was seeing how she too knew it was slowly happening, and was ever more aware of her inability to comprehend.  Talk about a downer.

Once she died, and i was able to see her body at the funeral, the curious thoughts that occasionally creep into my mind about death were suddenly forced right back into my face. Questions like, “Where is she now?” “Is she aware of this funeral, or anything?” “Does she feel anything, now?”  All very deeply probing questions, but all without the slightest inkling of anything resembling an answer.  I think that used to bother me – not having an answer – but now I’m okay with it. Continue reading “Day 11 – On death”